Oyler & Woldman

To answer the above question, I must indicate my response to a question often asked of me to wit: "What is a major cause of Divorce?" Children, money, sex, etc. This question is crucial inasmuch as half the marriages are ending in divorce and if anecdotal tales have any statistical value, the other half of so called 'intact marriages' are working very hard at keeping their marriages together.

At this point I'm reminded of a cartoon I saw in Time Magazine where a long line of men are standing in front of a pharmacy with a sign 'Viagra on Sale' and the adjacent business establishment was a movie theater showing Titanic with a long line of women waiting, with one customer saying to the other, "It is too bad they do not have pills for commitment."The principal problem causing divorce is the inability, or (in many cases) the unwillingness, of one or both parties to WORK AT THEIR RELATIONSHIP. Simply stated, many people can not and do not have the emotional capability to work to make a relationship work, period.

In assessing a prospective mate one should determine the length of time he or she has held his or her present job; the length of time he or she has lived at their present location; how he or she characterizes and/or describes his or her prior relationships (married or otherwise); his or her relationship with children, siblings, and particularly with the parent of the opposite sex, etc.

As you become skilled in subtlety delving into these sensitive areas (preferably after two martinis), you will be able to ascertain a lifestyle pattern which you may or may not wish to buy into by reason of the fact that in many cases people do not change - even with your charm, sexuality, patience and magnetism. Therapists often use the analogy, "Has he ever hung his pictures up on the walls of his apartment?"

Finally, I firmly believe that the most important aspect of a marital relationship is friendship. And, although it sounds somewhat unromantic, one must ask him or herself, is this individual truly my friend?